Tuesday, 11 July 2017

CATCH 14: Living Galaxy Broadcast, Rudimentary Transportation

We return once more with you viewers, to see how Fred and Barney are adjusting to life among their kind, and today we witnessed an interesting event, as Fred secured some "transportation" for his tribe.

Among the B-roll we have shot for quieter moments in this series, we have come across creatures known as Tempestum Irritibalus, or as they are commonly called by my crew, "Rollers" due to their nature of "steam-rollering" anything that irks them too much... by, for example, breathing too loudly, as our late lighting engineer can attest...

Now normally these twitchy and unpredictable creatures can only be filmed from a distance, as they can hear quite well, but we had managed to get rather close to one specimen. A particularly suicidal grip even dared to shout at the creature (the rest of us retreated a safe distance while he plucked up the courage, much to his dismay) We could only surmise that this particular creature was deaf... which is how Fred managed to sneak up on it, and leap onto it's back. Now THAT it noticed...

Anyway, after a good half hour of barrelling around the plain trying to shake him off, Fred eventually managed to get enough purchase on the Roller to headbutt it into unconsciousness. By the time it awoke, Barney had secured it in a rudimentary truss to pull what can best be described as a battle wagon.

The control functions are rudimentary at best. If the orks on board want the beast to go faster, which they invariably do, they poke it in the nether regions with a sharp stick, and the creature bolts away from the source of pain. If they want it to stop, well it's difficult to discuss this before the watershed, but they have a chain that is attached to the creatures... lower... appendages... and when pulled, usually with a savage glee, the creature is rather understandably reluctant to move forwards any further. A perfect handbrake, as it were.

Finally, there is an ork at the back with a steering wheel.

Now it must be stated, this steering wheel does not appear to be connected in any way to the wagon. We have seen the "driver" get off and take it with him when he goes to defecate. We have seen him use it as a weapon. But we have also seen him "steer" the wagon towards their enemies... usually bright red power armoured enemies. We are pondering whether this is proof of the innate latent psychic ability of orks, to influence events with the power of their beliefs. It has also been suggested that it is mere coincidence... that the deaf-roller pulling the wagon sees the red armoured warriors and charges towards them, at about the same time the ork decides that is exactly where it wants to go too. The deaf-roller and the orks share the same attitude of looking for trouble. This does give us some food for thought, as we take another short break...


  1. gettin' madder and madderer.

    1. oooh, the chance to quote "Hot Fuzz" in my reply to your comment...

      "Does he mean me or that?"

  2. I'm looking forward to facing off against your esoteric creations at some point! Dunno when I'll make it down, but I have to fight you haha

  3. Well won't matter about what day you come down, as I have a home war table set up, so don't need to coincide your visit with a club night in order to get a game in :P