Tuesday, 3 January 2017

CATCH 5: Feral Ork Mimicry

Greetings once again dear audience, as we take another look at our burgeoning ork society.

To get each of our orks to develop some resilience away from human contact, we dropped them from low orbit with a rudimentary anti-gravitic atmospheric retardation system, or "bedsheets and string" as my producer called it. We also scattered some remote cameras around the system to monitor their progress while we set ourselves to making camp, close enough to interact with the wandering tribes, but hopefully not too frequently.

On our first foray from basecamp we came across a remarkable tribe of orks, most unlike what we had been lead to expect from the majority of ork reports. Perhaps developing in isolation has manifested unusual behaviours. Most reports claim orks are always loud and brash and far from subtle, yet this grouping caught us almost completely unawares. This startled my production crew somewhat, however fortunately I suspect they had recently eaten, for they didn't appear to be out to harm us, they seemed more curious about the fact that we were different. They took to mimicking our behaviour, picking up several of our remote cameras and pointing them back at us, which while utterly endearing to my cameraman who took it as a personal mark of respect, it did make capturing footage of their behaviour difficult in the extreme. From 18 hours of footage from 6 different angles, we have about 12 hours of jungle, 5 and a half hours of us, and about 30 minutes of the wildlife we are here to observe!

Eventually we moved on from the mimicry tribe and sought Barney, who was close by according to our remote camera feed. However there t have been a fault with the camera, as he was not where we expected him to be. It seemed to have developed a recurring loop. We should have perhaps noticed that he was picking his nose continuously for 8 hours straight, but then he is an ork and in the nursery he'd scratched his groin for 14 hours so we didn't realise straight away that there was anything odd about his behaviour.

We found him not too far away, and he had clearly had a run in with some other tribe. He was battered and bruised and there were other ork bodies around the area. There was no sign of any attacker. We assume it was just one of those things of feral ork society, survival of the fittest. It is precisely what we wanted to record, and instead we have footage of ourselves and nose picking. To say it has been a frustrating first day of filming would be an understatement.

However, each day we deploy more cameras and we will get better coverage, and learn more of the lives of our young orks. Stick with us, for the show will get better.

On that rather disappointing day, we bring this broadcast to an end.

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